Change my ways
by Cherrybuckle
Summary: First chapter of a series. Something is wrong in Nevermore. And who is this new emotion? Raven must struggle in a changing world, while trying to find out how she actually feels about Robin. RaexRob, CyxJinx pairings.
1. Interruptions

The cold night was slowly heating from the suns rising rays. All that could be heard was the crashing waves below , accompanied with a soft wind. The smell of salty sea water was strong in the air. Raven sighed as she looked at the cup in her hands. She let her tea grow cold for the third time this morning. She murmured an incantation and the warmth spread back though the cup to her hands. She enjoyed the early morning where she could think and meditate in peace.

This was a new way of life for Raven. After she defeated her father, she had been able to show emotion without her powers going haywire. However, even after two months, she still had difficulty really accepting that she could. She had grown up her whole life being told she could not let anything out, that all her emotions had to be smothered. It was hard to let go of the past.

Behind her, she heard the faintest creak of a door and the sounds of someone attempting to be very quiet. She sighed in exasperation.

"No, you did not surprise me, no, I do not want to hear your latest joke, and yes, you can leave me alone in peace."

She could practically feel the disappointment emanating from Beast Boy. He always did that when she foiled one of his _master _schemes.

"But-"

"I said no." She said, quietly, trying not to let her annoyance out.

"Someone's a grumpy goth today." He murmured standing there with his arms folded tight across his chest, his lower lip sticking out.

"What did you say?" She said mockingly, turning around, placing her right hand on her hip, the other still holding her tea.

"Why nothing meh dear!" Beast Boy put on a sloppy grin, like he always did when he tried to do one of his lame accents.

Raven rolled her eyes, wishing for just one tranquil day. "You know what Beast boy, I do know this great little place with the best tofu breakfast burrito's." Raven asked sarcastically.

"Really?" Beast boy said incredulously.

"Yep, it's called "The Fridge in the Kitchen". Raven replied, taking a sip of tea.

"Sounds splendid, shall I escort meh lady?" Beast boy said in that horrible British accent of his. Then he winked, and stuck out his elbow for her to accept.

Raven merely blinked and teleported him unceremoniously on to the floor in the kitchen, leaving herself on the roof to continue meditating.


	2. Trip into Nevermore

"_Raven…" _She could feel herself being drawn into Nevermore, that desire growing more and more with every passing second. Raven opened her eyes to find she was standing in front of the gateway leading into the more desolate area of her mind. Raven promptly turned around, kicking up dirt, in the process. Behind her everything had changed. In one area it was bright green with blue and purple flowers, while right next to it seemed as the driest desert. Then, over on the right side stood a little marsh, with boggy mud, and over watered trees. It was all so…wrong. Whatever was happening could not be a good sign. She quickly pushed her anger down.

Raven immediately kicked off the ground, momentarily surrounding herself in a cloud of sand. She flew fast and far, hoping to find someone that could answer her questions. She passed over much of the same terrain as at the entrance, green grass, yellow sand, brown marshes, and the like. She began slowing down, realizing that it would not help her if she merely passed her objective without even knowing it. She scanned the floor, hoping to find any sort of color. Then, quite abruptly over by a rock cluster, she saw a flicker of a yellow cloak. She flew fast, at first going head down, then abruptly pulled her knees up to her chest, jerked her shoulders to allow her legs to take lead, and gracefully guided her feet the rest of the way to the ground.

"What the _hell _is happening here!" Raven bellowed, her anger suddenly overflowing inside her, and at that moment she didn't care. She wanted to know what was happening in her mind.

In front of her stood one of her emotions, but a more geeky, sort of unattractive version. Knowledge was one of the foundation. In other words Knowledge was one of the first emotions she experienced. Although it _had_ occurred to Raven that Knowledge wasn't really an emotion, Knowledge _was _a part of her and that was all that mattered. The other founders included, Hatred and Hope. Knowledge merely stood up holding a stone she was examining. She scrutinized it a second longer, then allowed it to slip from her fingers. Knowledge pushed her glasses up higher on her nose, then gave Raven a look that would have put shame to even the most experienced librarian. Her face, both stern and blank, gave off the impression that she should give a retort, but would not belittle herself by doing so.

"Oh, Raven how nice to see you again. Am I correct that you are here to ask what is happening I to your mind? Well, as you can obviously see, your mind has become a desert, a bog, and a grassy hill side all rolled into one." Knowledge would be able to put rocks to sleep the way her voice droned on.

"Yes, it _is_ obvious Knowledge, now, I want to know _why_ it's happening!" Nobody could quite seethe like Raven.

Knowledge rubbed her nose for a second before replying. "Well as much as I would like to help, your asking the wrong person. You should ask who first found out what was happening. I'm sure she could explain in more detail, surprisingly enough."

"_More detail? Who could explain with as much detail if not more that Knowledge?" _But before she could ask, Knowledge slipped away, seeming to fold into herself before vanishing.

"Great, just what I need, vague answers." Raven muttered under her breath, throwing her hands in the air. She sat down on a near rock. "_What did she mean? Who was there besides Knowledge who could explain what was happening? She had a feeling she wasn't going to like the answer whoever gave it." _

Raven heard the crunch of rocks behind her and whirled around.

In front of her stood a new emotion she had never seen before. She wore a deep purple cloak that was even darker than her hair. She wore a face that said she knew what she was doing. "Well your right." Said the new emotion. "You're not going to like it."

Raven squinted her eyes at her. "Wait, how did you know what I was thinking? Emotions can't read my mind, only feelings…."

"That's easy, your emotions are triggered by your thoughts, and I merely….interpret those feelings, giving me in turn, what you were thinking."

Raven could only stare. Then it occurred to her. "_Wait, is this the one Knowledge was talking about? Who is this new emotion?" _

"Let's see," The purple cloaked emotion muttered, fingering the edge of her cloak. "First of all yes, I am the one Knowledge was talking about, and for the second, I suppose you could call me Instinct."


	3. Workout

_Excuse the mess _

_I didn't see you from behind_

_I caught a glimpse, but the reflection's only mine, _

_It's almost like, I'm paralyzed, _

_and locked outside myself _

_What I don't need, is to concede,_

_because I won't be someone else_

_I am not perfect, I don't claim to be_

_And if that's what you wanted_

_Well then I'm so sorry_

_How about a better version,_

_Of the way that I am_

_How about a better version_

_That makes me understand_

_How about a better version of the way I am,_

_The way I look, the way I speak_

_How about a better version of me_

_Excuse the wall, I put it up from time to time_

_A silver shade, and the design is all mine_

_It's just a maze that everyday, I seem to be stuck in_

_It never seems to fade away but I pray for the day it ends_

_I am not perfect, I don't claim to be_

_If that's what you wanted, well then I'm so sorry_

_How about a better version of the way I am_

_How about a better version of the way_

_That makes me understand_

_How about a better version of the way that I am,_

_The way I look, the way I speak_

_How a bout a better version of me_

_Show me my vital signs until I'm realigned_

_Show me my vital signs until I'm realigned_

_Show me my vital signs until I'm realigned_

_Show me my vital signs until I'm realigned_

_How about a better version of me _

_How about a better version of me _

_How about a better version of me _

_How about a better version of me…. _

_Punch, punch, kick._

_Punch, punch, kick._

The radio blared the music, making the floor vibrate slightly. The smell of sweat was heavy in the workout room. The floor was littered with random weights, and dumbbells. The punching bags were left out, knowing they would be used again soon. This room was used constantly, and he'd be angry if it wasn't. They all had to train, train to be better, stronger.

The others said that the lyrics from this song described him perfectly. Always striving to better himself. Determined to become stronger, but putting up walls, pushing everyone away at the same time.

_Punch, punch, kick._

_Punch, punch, kick._

They just don't understand. They really don't. He does this for them. To save them all. A leader can't be weak, he cannot break. The battle against Trigon made it all too clear. He shivers every time he thinks about what would have happened had he not been able to find Raven.

_Punch, punch, kick._

_Punch, punch, kick._

He circled the punching bag, hitting with all his anguish, putting all of his strife, frustration, anxiety, and fear into his throws. He didn't know where he got the strength sometimes. One moment he would be beyond exhaustion, the next being able to kick faster, and faster.

Punching for this long left him pulling in raspy breaths, straining his muscles, making them ache, it didn't matter how strong he was. He pushed the pain down, he had to keep on going. He could not let his team down. Not now, not when they may need him most.

_Punch, punch, kick._

_Punch, punch, kick_

He perked his ears to the music as it faded away. "_That's right," _he thought. "_how about a better version of me. A better version…for her. Above all I can't let _her _down."_

_Punch, punch, kick._

_Punch, punch, kick._

_ "Better Version" from Shinedown._


	4. Escape

Jinx was racing madly down the alleyway, hoping to escape her chaser. But it was a dead end, she was cornered. The tall, bulky figure walked closer to her. He quickly grabbed her shoulders pushing her against the wall. Jinx struggled wildly.

"Jinx, where do you think your going?" He asked gruffly.

"No Mammoth, you don't understand. I can't go back, I just can't. H-he hurts me. Every time we lose he hurts me. I'm the leader, he thinks it's my fault. I can't go back, he'll just torture me more." Jinx was whispering by the end, tears streaming down her pale face.

Mammoth slowly loosened his grip on her arms. Jinx continued to lean against the wall she had been pressed against, letting the alleyways bricks cool her left cheek. She allowed her depression to over come her. She slowly slid to the ground, covering her face with her hands, allowing the tears to squeeze between her fingers. After a few minutes she wearily pulled her hands from her face.

"Please Mammoth, listen to me. All you have to do is give me a few hours head start, then run to the headmaster, and tell him I ran away. This way I will find a place to hide, and you won't be blamed for letting me go." Jinx slowly lifted her head to his eyes, showing her cheeks glistening with tears. "Please."

Mammoth turned his head slightly to the left. He thought for a few seconds. "Fine. Go now, and….good luck." He turned his head back to her, his beady eyes studying her for a second. Then he did something very unexpected. He gave her a real smile. Sure, his teeth were yellowed and crooked, but it was a smile none the less. She let a little smile grace her own face, then nimbly sprang to her feet, shooting up little puffs of dirt.

"Oh, Mammoth." She said her back still turned to him. "Maybe instead you should blame this on the Titans. He'd believe that." Then she gracefully raced down the alleyway, pulling a black cloak from her bag, already a plan forming in the young wizards mind.


End file.
